love you to the grave

plums

2011-08-15T09:33:00.003+09:30

A penis in your coffee in definitely worth blogging about.
(That's Shaft. I wish I could stop having to clarify that. JUST GET MY FUNNY JOKE YOU GUYS.)
While we're on the topic of penis, let's have a word from our sponsor Dr. Steve Brule*.

*Dr. Steve Brule is not affiliated with this blog in any way/shape/form. It would obviously be heaps funnier if he was.

mind map catastrophe

2011-08-11T14:53:00.003+09:30

I have been given an amazing opportunity to potentially live and work in Sweden, in my dream job, for a few years as of next year. Part of my application is a three page summary of my research and where I would like to take it. I am finding this extremely difficult so I thought I would draw up a flow-chart/mind-map/flow of consciousness style diagram of all the things I really care about and would like to do in my research career. This is the result. Which has led me to the conclusion that I possess high levels of insanity and would perhaps be better suited to kindergarten teaching or just being very quiet for a very long time.

loganberry

2011-08-09T13:29:00.002+09:30

I guess I don't blog enough so here are some recent photos of things I have done or eaten or seen in no particular order. Blog about Sweden and New York coming soon (I know, you can't wait right?!).

I ate this (crepes suzette):

And this (pate):

And also this (3 cheese souffle):

This raised the bloody bar in terms of male hotness:

I cried at work like this:

Over this:

Got obsessed with this:

Took Hansie for walks in the sunshine, when it appeared:

Baked this lemon meringue triumph:

Found this old and amazingly excellent photo of me and my Dad:

I gave her my heart. She gave me a pen.

2011-06-24T14:13:00.004+09:30

So, I personally vanquished the ash cloud and made it out of the country.

First flight (ADL to SIN) was fucked gay. I was in an extra leg room row but surrounded by idiots. The little kid behind me kicked my chair the whole way and then projectile vomited on it.

I bought a bobbi brown blush in Singapore airport which is the wrong shade for me. I don't know why I bought it.

Singapore to Helsinki flight was somewhat better except I got seated next to some young Lithuanian guy who obviously thought he was in with a fighting chance and fucking chewed my ear off until i groaned loudly and put my headphones on. He tried to interrupt me to talk more and make me drink with him because he was bored so I had to get blunt with him. It was awkward for a while. Then I took a temazepam and went to sleep so that was ok. Also, the food on Finnair is quite good AND the seating is 2 - 4 - 2, which is great - except if you are one of the two and the other one of the two is a Lithuanian retard.

Movies watched so far:
-In Her Shoes. I cried so much, I don't know why. I was watching this while the kid was vomiting so it was probably a combination of the vomit and the movie.
-Hall Pass. This was funnier than I thought it would be but still not very funny.
-Say Anything. Still one of my faves, so sweet, so lovely. Lloyd Dobbler I would totally do you in your sky blue malibu whilst listening to Peter Gabriel. The reason I first watched this movie years ago was because of Ione Skye and my obsessive love for the Beastie Boys and her being married to "Adrock" etc. Wikipedia has just informed me that she is now married to Ben Lee. So...that's weird.
-What Happens in Vegas. This was a mistake, redeemed slightly by the presence of Jack Galifianakis. Let's not discuss this further.

I took this photo of Finland from the plane just now. It is a really, really pretty place:

Flying to Stockholm now for a couple of days of midsummer festivities and then the conference.

Peace out forevs.

#ashcloud

2011-06-22T15:04:00.005+09:30

So I was meant to fly out of Adelaide on Tuesday which was frustratingly delayed by that dumb ash cloud from Chile doing it's SECOND trip round the world. Bit selfish really, as I can't even get to do one.

So I'm re-booked on a flight out tomorrow. I've been obsessively refreshing the Qantas twitter account and *so far* everything seems fine but really WHO EFFING KNOWS? At the mercy of mother nature and all that. Assuming I get out tomorrow, my next blog post will be a series of photos demonstrating the excellent time I am having that you are not having and all the great foods that I am eating that you are not eating.

Also, I really hope 'Bridesmaids' is showing on the plane.

SWEDES AND YANKEES

2011-06-14T10:42:00.003+09:30

Does anyone know anything about Stockholm? I'm going there next week because of my aforementioned super excellent job and I have heaps of free time. This is my list of things to do so far:

1. Obvs go shopping at Acne.
2. Obvs go shopping at 5th Avenue Shoe Repair.
3. Obvs go shopping at Cos.
4. Visit the Stockholm Public Library because look at it:

5. Go here: Snickarbacken7
6. Here (the gift shop looks particularly awesome): Moderna Museet
7. And here: Arkitektur Museet

Any other recommendations very welcome. Particularly fun places to out and 'get wasted' and such. I'm also going to NY after for a week (more work) and have heaps of free time there and with the AUD being all tough n shit I AM JUST GOING TO GO SHOPPING A LOT.

glass table girls

2011-06-14T10:40:00.001+09:30

So obsessed with this of late. You can download the full album for free here:
http://the-weeknd.com/

gone

2011-06-02T12:34:00.002+09:30

In case you were wondering where my previous blorg went (you weren't) - I had to take it down. Which is fine. I am totally ok with that.

2011-04-07T08:44:00.000+09:30

IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO FIX MY FORMATTING PLEASE TELL ME. I'M VERY CONFUSED.

dr. paterson in the house

2011-04-01T12:36:00.002+10:30

I graduated yesterday. It was nerdy. I wore Ferragamos to balance out the nerdiness. These photos are really boring.

My supervisor Jill:

Mama:

Tall brother and short father:

Happy Families!
"That ceremony was really boring"

our house, in the middle of our street

2011-04-01T12:30:00.002+10:30

We moved into a new house (a while ago now).
Domestic bliss is MINE.

back yard

grillin'

Hansie getting cosy with the Missoni

favourite room

where we do eating

best song for doing squats at the gym

2011-03-08T12:54:00.000+10:30

espana - in random order

2011-03-08T11:57:00.005+10:30

contemplative/wanker

lou

nerding

too many dranks

ola lisboa!

2011-03-03T13:08:00.003+10:30

I have a really, really great job that allows me to travel a lot.
Most recently Portugal (Spain to follow):

quitter

2011-03-03T12:42:00.003+10:30

5 Things I Can Never Stick With

1. Taking vitamins. I have a cupboard full of vitamin bottles with like 2 tablets taken from each.

2. Flossing. Some nights it is a stretch to even brush my teeth. Not totally surprising that I don’t really feel like cutting all my gums up and spitting blood all over the place.

3. Drinking 2L of water per day. Given the amount of wine I routinely consume I would probably have to drink more like 4L per day to remain hydrated and WHO HAS THE TIME FOR THAT?

4. Exercise. If I want to lose weight I would rather just not eat. Lazy wins every time.

5. Maintaining a blog. Because deep down I know that I don’t have anything good to say (i.e. see above).

top tenzzzz

2011-03-03T12:42:00.001+10:30

Top 10 Songs that remind me of DJ-ing at Supermild 1,000,000 years ago.

1. ESG “You’re No Good”

2. Teenage Fanclub “What You Do To Me”

3. Sonic Youth “Bull In The Heather”

4. Scene Creamers “Elfin Orphan” (very average live version)

5. Chromatics “Running Up That Hill”

6. Cheap Trick “Surrender”

7. The Replacements “Alex Chilton”

8. The Sonics “Have Love Will Travel”

9. TV on the Radio “Wolf Like Me”

10. Wu Tang Clan “Wu Tang Clan Ain’t Nothing to Fuck With”

dumb-dumbs

2011-03-03T12:40:00.000+10:30

Lately, more than ever, I’ve been noticing that people say heaps of really dumb shit, really often. For example…

1. “I’m getting on the rack tonight” An Australia’s Next Top Model contestant after being told her legs were too short.
2. “I love the feeling of having my internal organs massaged” Miranda Kerr on her love of yoga.
3. “It’s one of the most important limbs we have” A champion javelin-thrower on the importance of arms for champion javelin-throwers.

2010-05-03T15:29:00.001+09:30

if you care to, you can now find me here:
sayanythingjessie.tumblr.com

xx

throw down your guns

2010-03-19T08:29:00.003+10:30

warm heart of jessica

2010-03-15T08:29:00.005+10:30

culture jammin'

2010-02-22T09:06:00.000+10:30

Here are some fairly embarrassing truths about me and the things I am "vibing on" at the moment...

1. I read A LOT. When I was a kid I became really good at doing things with my feet because I always had a book in my hands - no kidding. Always been a nerd.
I just finished this on the weekend, it was pretty shamelessly romantic but amazing, I like stories about the war:

Now I'm on to the second one. I think I'm obsessed:

2. This mix is silly and fun. Listen to it, love it...

Pianist Envy

3. I had never seen a single Star Wars film before (I know right? I can't even believe I am writing this on the internet). So last night we watched A New Hope, and The Empire Strikes Back. Tonight we are going to watch Return of The Jedi. I am in love with Darth Vader. What a babe right? (Did I miss the point of Star Wars?). This is all pretty shocking in light of the fact that I have a brother that's a huge fan and I studied film at uni...

4. Can't effing WAIT to see and hear this guy do and say some hilarious things...

5. I'm going to Lisbon later this year on account of that I have the best job in the world. It's making it really hard to concentrate because a) I'm desperate for a holiday and b) look at these pictures...

rock lobsters

2010-02-09T20:56:00.003+10:30

Hats on dogs? Always funny.

golden

2010-02-08T21:51:00.008+10:30

how i remember things...

how things probably actually looked...

so bounce bounce come on bounce

2010-01-12T20:42:00.000+10:30

holy eff i used to love this song. but not the lamo purple hills version (as feat below).

RIP Bizarre.

running up that hill

2010-01-07T17:06:00.000+10:30

My favourite photos from the last 5 or so years, in roughly chronological order.

Remember when I looked like this? KT probably does.

Brit and Jeff, first real flatmate, first real boyf. Bless!

Remember MySpace? Amazing. Miss you MySpace.

Besties since back in the day.

Remember when Claire and Josh got together...

Shortly after so did Louis and I...

We all look like children.

I made some amazing, wonderful new friends...

Sweet little Kitto...

Lala my darling...

Zo-zo...

Banner...

Team Supes...

Angel-face...

Tone...

FT, and by default Jodie, Max and Miller...

Iz...

Fave indiez forevs...

Some of the BEST parties ever were had.

Louis moved to Sydney which was shiiiiiit. But just before we had a pretty amazing summer doing wicked stuff 24/7 including riding around in this baby:

Looking at giraffes and shit:

Being generally loving:

After he left, I spent most of time with these babes...

Being heaps wasted and disgraceful with this babe...

And going to strip clubs with this pack of babes...

I also spent a lot of time looking out this window, and being generally unproductive...

Eventually I packed my bags, in the name of love, and moved to Sydney too.

That is pretty much the only photo I have on account of generally hating it.

Eventually I moved to NYC, lived on the UES for a while, then moved to my dream home in Bed-Stuy, BK (my use of acronyms implies a familiarity with the city, you see?).

Naturally partying ensued...

As well as general hanging around on the street...

And slumber parties...

Louis and I went on the most amazing road trip ever for 10 days...

And eventually we both got fed up with being eaten alive by NYC and came home.

I had a pretty amazing and debauched 6 months reunited with my lady friends...

Before I got restless and fucked off overseas again.
This time to Italy first...

Then to NYC again to hang out with little Kitto...

Be generally disgusting...

And retire to the most beautiful house ever to write my thesis...

With my good, good friends Mister and Pokey...

Which pretty much brings me up to date. I'm living in the most amazing house with Louis and the most wonderful and horrible poof in Adelaide, his total babe boyf, and his silly dog.

And so concludes the longest and most self-indulgent blog I am ever likely to write.

so hot right now

2009-12-23T13:55:00.000+10:30

Just did my Top 10 for the Hottest 100. Picking 10 songs was really hard purely because a) i don't really listen to JJJ and b) i hate most things.

Animal Collective - My Girls
Bat For Lashes - Daniel
Empire Of The Sun - Without You (Single Version)
Franz Ferdinand - No You Girls
Hot Chip - One Life Stand
Lily Allen - Not Fair
Phoenix - Lisztomania
Sia - Buttons {CSS Remix}
Swiss, The - Bubble Bath
Tiga - Beep Beep Beep

cheesy

2009-12-22T15:27:00.000+10:30

Hometown honeys The Swiss are pretty much the best thing to happen to little old Adelaide/music in general. Vote for them in JJJ's Hottest 100 so we can all be proud of them, and proud to live in Adelaide in general.

Download the Aeroplane mix feat The Swiss here

Listen to The Swiss here

Be pals with The Swiss' on Facey

Vote for THE SWISS here!

Also, need a t-shirt? They have some awesome ones! BUY! BUY!

Look who got all fancy at HTML...

sweaty wet

2009-12-13T16:12:00.000+10:30

we will leave you in the woods, tell your friends you slipped

2009-12-11T21:18:00.000+10:30

definitely one of my favourite videos and songs everz.
can't seem to get it out of my head at the moment and it's making me want to do weird, violent things.

peace out forevs

2009-12-09T10:30:00.000+10:30

love you heaps Pokey. RIP.

throw your hands in the air like you just don't mind

2009-12-07T14:25:00.000+10:30

Top 5 Things Making Jessie Laugh ATM

1. This listing on ebay has been removed now but it pretty much made me die a million laughing deaths.
Here is a picture of the bike in question too:

This is a max wicked sick BMX. It's a Reliance Boomerang and it's done heaps of maximum extreme stunts. I have mostly done stunts on this bike since forever. Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on it and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx. Some details about sickmax BMX: Comes with everything you see including: TOPS AS SUSPENSION REAR FORKS!! 2 x wheels 1 x seat I will even thrown my sick BMXing name for FREE - Wicked Styx. Has minor surface rust on handlebars and front forks (easily removed). More rust on rear forks (as shown in pics). Tyres hold air but are pretty old. Basically, it's an old BMX, but it's radness is still 100% in tact. Tricks I have done on this BMX: Endos - 234. Sick Wheelies - 687. Skids - 143,000. Bunny Hops - 2 (my brother dared me to do them, which I did because I'm Rad to the power of Sick). Flipouts - 28. Basically if you buy this bike you will instantly become a member to every club that was ever invented, worldwide, because you will be awesome. Pick up from Richmond in Melbourne. Throw your hands in the air like you just don't mind.

2. Pretty much everything on this site, but particularly this one that made him famous. Adelaide legendz reprazent:
http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html

3. This will only be hilarious to a certain sub-culture of people. But if you're not a part of that sub-culture then I don't care to be your friend nor care what you think is funny anyway.
http://liononthefloor.ytmnd.com/

4. Anything on the onion but particularly this right now.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/grandma_concerned_about_dinner

5. This will never not be funny/will always be funny.

oh christmas tree

2009-11-27T13:22:00.000+10:30

we gots one! it smells so nice.

trying to make stand up straight

is kind of straight now

james was super helpful

foxies. the only origami decorations we are even remotely good at making. is still not very good. and also not related to christmas at all.

FREE BOOZE

2009-11-17T07:15:00.000+10:30

My friend Dan is pretty much a genius. Tomorrow night he is launching his new graphic novel for kids "Pilot & Huxley". It's pretty special.

Come celebrate...

I know you can't read that because it's tiny so here are the details:

Thurs Nov 19, 6pm at Mostly Books, Mitcham Square (119 Belair Road, Torrens Pk)
On the night:
GIVEAWAYS
NIBBLES & REFRESHMENTS (Grown-ups drinks and kids drinks)
FREE FACE PAINTING
GET A PHOTO WITH THE SLOBBERFINK (Bring a camera)
MEET THE CREATOR
BUY THE BOOK

Also, can someone tell me how to change the formatting on this fucking blog so that I can post wide things?

xx

I've been thinking about my reasons just to...

2009-11-16T08:29:00.001+10:30

Top 5 Things Helping Me Get By Right Now:

1. Singing this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77zxCAfVeD8
(Universal have totally got this shit on lock and won't let me embed the actual video, so follow the link fool)

2. and this:

at the top of my lungs

3. While riding this:

4. New found obsession with Genki Sudo (about a million years too late):

5. Gin

GET ON TOP

2009-11-09T18:26:00.000+10:30

Top 5 Favourite Songs to Work Out to:
1. Cream - Prince
2. Happy House - The Juan MacLean
3. Aint Nobody - Chaka Khan
4. Temperature - Sean Paul
5. Say Whoa - A-Trak

I AM REALLY LAZY AT UPDATING MY BLOG RIGHT NOW ON ACCOUNT OF BEING FUCK OFF BUSY WRITING MY THESIS.

recent times

2009-10-16T12:20:00.001+10:30

Top 5 Things Floating my Boat Recently...

1. This cocktail that KT had at La Boheme called 'American Beauty' that I LOVED and am ripping off at home in honour of KT's Bday tonight. Also will obv be default cocktail served at my wedding...
It contains:

<3 A glass full of rose petals:

<3 A double shot of gin:

<3 A shot of rose syrup:

<3 A dash of rose water:

<3 And tonic:

Come over sometime and have a glass full of roses with me xx

2. Kitto's precious family lending me their holiday house in beautiful Aldinga:

Where I'm staying all next week on ANOTHER (and hopefully my final) thesis lockdown.

3. FINISHING MY MOTHER FUCKING THESIS - GRADUATING - AND FINALLY BEING DOCTOR JESS!**
Remember Doogie Howser? I'm pretty much him now/soon. Except a) I'm not a REAL doctor (just a lame doctor of psychology) and b) I'm HEAPS prettier...

**This one hasn't actually happened yet but I'm sure it will soon. Right? Right.

4. Getting to see beautiful Zoe in Melbs. Miss you zo, come back. xxx

5. Gossip Girl S3. Yeah whatevs, I make no apologies and have no shame. Show me someone who says they don't love watching babes in amazing clothes run around the best city in the world, and I'll show you a liar.

yeah it's 1am on a Saturday and i'm posting a blog. WHAT OF IT!?

2009-09-27T00:44:00.000+09:30

It's a Saturday night and I'm at home posting a blog complaining about pretty much everything and I know that's not going to do wonders for my credibility/popularity but I was amazed tonight at how GROSS going out can be sometimes, how little imagination the general public seem to have and how dumb most people are as a rule.

I'm laying down some ground rules for myself re: future social activities...
1. Will only enter club type atmosphere if I'm getting paid to do so, i.e. dj'ing
2. Will enthusiastically attend house parties, particularly if there is the promise of food or cake
3. Will have more house parties at own amazing house with amazing boyfriend and amazing housemate, is good as means do not have to be concerned with travelling home after drinking as have not left house
4. Will NOT line up to get in anywhere, is simply not worth it, ever
5. Will always buy self chocolate on way home from night out (as have done tonight) to congratulate self on leaving house

I'm really only interested in old person activities these days like taking baths and complaining.

Fingers crossed I'll brighten up when I finish my thesis.

Jessie out.

making plans

2009-09-23T12:29:00.000+09:30

Last night I dreamt that I finally had my own sausage dog and he was so naughty. We were riding the lifts in our apartment building and he kept running out just as the lift would close then I'd have to search around to find him. Is it possible to really love something that doesn't exist yet? Because I love my future puppy so much it's a bit of a joke. I imagine that Hans (that will be his name) will look a little like one of these dogs:

o hai! wearing a little jumper!

possible future hans running:

I also imagine that Halloween will be heaps funner when I have a puppy. Must stop googling 'dogs in costumes' 24/7.
Yes! FUCKOFFTOOCUTE!

hilarious dog expression. this costume demeans us both.

awesomest but impractical:

also must start brainstorming halloween costume ideas for self and not just for imaginary dog. so far i am leaning towards a bunch of grapes, a hot dog or a cheese slice. i have sourced costumes for all these ideas and they are all pretty stupid/awesome.

Top 5 Monday Morning Sad Bastard Songs

2009-09-21T10:11:00.000+09:30

1. 'I'm on Fire' Bruce Springsteen
2. 'Thirteen' Big Star
3. 'Ceremony' New Order (Joy Division Cover)
4. 'Daniel' Bat for Lashes
5. 'These Days' Nico

everyone's your friend

2009-09-18T11:21:00.000+09:30

kitto's pretty street

go <3 your own city:

dinner with banner, always a pleasure:

gitane:

magnolia red velvet:

inferior hipster cupcake:

so excited about my post-cupcake frozen margerita that i'm doing my quasimodo impression. later i fell into a sugar coma:

Williamsburg is so effing cool that Tism perform at the local church, just before confession:

karaoke night of doom:

a class act:

kitto, if this is the way home, why are we suddenly at the Hudson?

this photo:

led to this injury:

best photo of me ever taken? yes:

just two pals, taking one thousand photos of themselves on the street:

balloon head ear tweak:

jules has a girls bike:

post-brunch, inappropriately drunk, about to go to airport:

looking back at these it's amazing i'm not fat/dead.

srsly. pretty funny.

2009-09-17T16:34:00.000+09:30

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

2009-09-05T11:40:00.000+09:30

there is no photo today because today is the last day and i spent pretty much all of it getting drunk

if i get married, definite honeymoon destination of choice

2009-09-04T10:38:00.000+09:30

let's go to dubai and go on this WATERSLIDE THAT GOES THROUGH A GLASS UNDERWATER TUNNEL SURROUNDED BY SHARKS!!!!!!!!!

rhymes with fiance

2009-09-04T08:14:00.000+09:30

happy birthday you hot bitch.
(i want to be you)

i want to go to these

2009-09-04T07:10:00.000+09:30

don't think these won't be mine. because they will.

day 9

2009-09-04T03:35:00.000+09:30

second to last day of thesis lockdown.

from the dark end of the street, to the bright side of the road

2009-09-03T04:19:00.000+09:30

today was turning out to be a shit-fight of misery so i went for a long drive, went to barneys and bought an amazing cashmere jumper, went to wholefoods and ate everything i could see and took photos of my beautiful current home which is just down the road from bill and hillary - awesome.

feeling much better.

road leading down to the house:

backyard:

mister, my guard dog and the size of a bear:

the giant car i've been driving, driving in america is weird i have to keep repeating 'right side of the road, right side of the road':

i'm going to write some thesis now and later i'm going to have a spa and possibly get drunk alone.

over and out.
xx

heart palpitations

2009-09-03T00:21:00.001+09:30

TODAY IS HARD.

my thesis has officially sent me around the twist. i am wandering around the house whimpering and keep finding myself in strange rooms, standing completely still, staring in to the distance with no idea how i got there or how long i have been there for. i have hardly slept all week. i've been eating cereal for every meal. i've had crying fits that have lasted entire days and i keep typing typing typing and crying at the same time. i've completely lost the plot. and at the end of the day i don't even think i've written as much as i should have and what i have written is probably complete rubbish.

i honestly don't know how anyone comes out of a phd alive.
i'm pretty sure this shit has taken 20 years off my life expectancy.

day 7

2009-09-02T23:03:00.001+09:30

blergh

oh janice

2009-09-02T02:23:00.001+09:30

it is actually ridiculous how much i love young janice dickinson.
why couldn't she have aged gracefully?

day 6

2009-09-01T09:11:00.000+09:30

important to stay hydrated. have not washed hair in...a...really...long...time. hence, recurring headband.

day 5

2009-08-31T07:25:00.000+09:30

i woke up too early today. it was cold.
i did get to talk to kt, suj, louis, paul and james on skype all at once though - made me desperate to come home to my beautiful friends.

it's hard to thesis write on sundays.

bark avenue

2009-08-30T08:13:00.000+09:30

This is me and Pokey. Pokey and his brother Mister (who is exactly the same and can only be distinguished from Pokey by his limp) are my only friends in the NY forest. They've been keeping me company and barking at axe wielding maniacs that come too close to the house.

They are possibly the world's most enormous golden retrievers.

<3 you big guys xx

heartbeats

2009-08-30T04:03:00.000+09:30

some things i really love...

day 4

2009-08-30T03:56:00.000+09:30

feeling better. obsessed with thesis again.

hold me?

2009-08-29T00:31:00.000+09:30

day 3

2009-08-28T23:14:00.000+09:30

thesis lock down day 3: struggle street, i fell over on wet concrete, at high speed and now i am hurting all over :( do not want to write thesis or be awake at all.

robot penis

2009-08-28T03:24:00.000+09:30

day 2

2009-08-28T03:05:00.000+09:30

thesis lockdown day 2, as you might be able to see i am already neglecting basic personal hygiene...

day 1

2009-08-27T22:50:00.000+09:30

thesis lock-down day 1 (yesterday):

baby there's no other superstar

2009-08-27T20:17:00.000+09:30

if you're not convinced about lady gaga, srsly get with the program and wrap your mind around this:

if you don't love her now, i'll make you eat your hat.

from the bottom of my heart

2009-08-27T02:11:00.000+09:30

Things to get me through the next 10 days alone in the forest...

Red wine and zoloft, my staple diet:

living solely in my alexander wang dress as it feels like pyjamas, but isn't!

AppleTV, so good.

Raspberry beer, because it's fucking HOT here:

Ben and Jerry, my new besties:

Online shopping for more Bjorg jewellery aka my current must-purchase obsession, 'from the bottom of my heart':

I also plan to finish the quiet american...

Somewhere in there I totally intend on writing the one hundred million word thesis I have to submit in like 5 seconds...

xoxo

family ties

2009-08-26T02:18:00.000+09:30

i miss both my brothers but lee guilted me into making him a sign.

is it just the startled expressions?

2009-08-26T00:46:00.000+09:30

is it just me or does beaker from the muppets:

share a certain resemblance with my future ex-husband, shaun micallef...:

??

what is this? potato?

2009-08-25T00:40:00.000+09:30

Kitto made me watch this the other day and now I can't stop.

Jessie: 1, Corporate America: 0

2009-08-24T23:50:00.000+09:30

Sent: one snarky email to Neiman Marcus complaining that they shut down the Kiehl's counter too early and I couldn't make my purchase, then they nearly locked me in the store.

Received: one Neiman Marcus box full of Kiehl's products.

cry me a river

2009-08-24T01:30:00.000+09:30

i miss these guys so much...

and my mummy...

and my brothers and sister...

and my nephew...

(funniest photo ever? yes)

and my bestie...

and sunday nights at home...

i miss dad and scout too, but have no photos of them, which has sent me into a shame spiral :(

excuse me, i'm going to youtube daniel kitson and dylan moran stand up and eat some chocolate. later i'm going to drink some wine and have an outside shower in the forest. i'm sure i will feel better.

xx

a peaceful place to get sciencey

2009-08-17T06:10:00.000+09:30

the road up to my current home:

home for now:

my view:

my desk:

everyone send positive thesis-getting-finished thoughts my way.

xx

listening to aeroplanes on aeroplanes

2009-08-16T08:36:00.000+09:30

i caught the ferry to the modern art museum.
saw a giant chair and packet of smokes.

saw this which was mildly disturbing (had to take secret photos because there was no photographia in the museum).

penny for your thoughts?

"colleagues"

you should probably know that in Venice, buying counterfeit dildos is a criminal offence...

celine, the sweetest roomie ever. didn't even mind when i hit her in the face in my (and her) sleep.

we went to burano. every house was a different colour and it was, without a doubt, the most beautiful place i've ever been:

back on the boat. cruising and so on.

more "colleagues". the little blonde one is my phd supervisor! <3 u jill.

<3 u 2 the grave venice xxxxx

venice is not sinking

2009-08-04T13:23:00.000+09:30

mandatory gondola pic:

canals:

Venice HJ's. There was also a Hard Rock Cafe. I considered setting them both on fire and letting everyone inside burn alive.

You can drink alcohol on the street here. You can buy picollos and beers from any deli for like 1 euro. Naturally I have been doing a lot of that:

St Mark's Square is the only dry zone. Weird because these tables are perfect beer drinking places.

Pretty red street lights:

I even met a sausage dog in a museum! Nina:

St Marks Basilica. They actually have a thorn from THE Crown of Thorns and one of the nails used to nail Jesus to the cross, in a glass case:

The church on the island I'm staying on:

Danger! Museum!

The best taxidermy ever. I seriously considered trying to get this back to Australia somehow:

My "dorm":

One of the other "dorms":

The view from my bedroom window:

Little jetty next to my dorm:

I'm going to ce p'esaro today to see some Klimt paintings! <3 Italy.

yessssssss

2009-07-27T11:45:00.000+09:30

More than a little excited about this:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/07/23/2634078.htm?section=entertainment

i would like to own these things

2009-07-20T10:19:00.000+09:30

only 12 more days until i go overseas again. i am hideously disorganised and have a constant sick feeling in my stomach about all the shit i have to do before i leave. i have to give a talk at a conference in venice and i have nothing to wear. i also haven't planned the talk (less concerning). after venice i'm locking myself up in a room in the forest in new york state and writing THE SHIT out of my PhD because when i get back i start my research fellowship. this is exciting because i will finally start making some money from my 7 years of full time tertiary education. naturally, i have been spending my days online shopping for things i might like to purchase when i begin said job and subsequent money making...

obviously, a sausage dog:

then, a range of hilarious outfits in which to dress said sausage dog:

a dead animal to hang on the wall:

a dead animal to put on the floor:

i've always wanted a tv in the bathroom. the mirror in this bathroom is also a tv, amazement! i want a mirror tv thing:

these lights, particularly in the kitchen:

kitchen will also contain heart shaped le creuset pots:

kitchen aid:

i really want this little monkey:

and intend on becoming a crazy old spinster with a room full of books like this:

I LOVE THINGS.

destino

2009-07-06T11:15:00.000+09:30

I went to the Dali exhibition in Melbourne on the weekend and watched this in it's entirety:

So beautiful.

schnitzel von krumm

2009-07-06T09:33:00.000+09:30

Does anyone remember Schnitzel von Krumm?

I saw a stuffed toy of him yesterday in a shop window and completely lost my shit. I'm going to go buy it later and give it to my nephew who, by the way, is the cutest child ever in the world:

Anyway, when I was in NYC I went to Daschund Spring Fiesta in Washington Square Park. It was the greatest day of my life. We sung a song called 'Ode to the Sausage Dog'. I saw this dog:

and cried. I can't wait to get my own weiner dog. I'm going to call him Hans van Dongen after this guy:

who is my science hero.

So now you know, I'm one of those creepy people who loves dogs too much and is obsessed with a 40-something ex-astrophysicist.

my closest friend, linoleum

2009-06-29T14:50:00.000+09:30

i'm sick. my housemates aka the two most amazing poofs ever:

are also sick. everyone is puking and excreting like their lives depend on it.

i now have to add mexican food to the list of things i cannot eat because once they made me sick:

1. mexican (number one with a bullet)
2. indian - this was a good one, I had to go to emergency and the indian intern asked me what i had eaten and i was too embarrassed to tell him in case he thought i was racist
3. condensed milk
4. the spa (not technically a food but last time i went in the spa i was sick for days)
5. cream puffs (had been out of the fridge on a hot day - was own fault)
6. warm grated cheese (had also been out of fridge for ages - was also own fault)
7. any food in america (when i came home from nyc last year i had a parasite in my intestines that ate all my food - it is still there and is the primary reason i'm not obese. the doctor says i should go see a gastroenterologist but i love my parasite. am too scared to eat any food in america ever again though in case i swallow the antidote parasite)

i need some flat lemonade and dry biscuits.

you know what? let's get up and act the CRAP out of this day!

2009-06-27T12:16:00.000+09:30

no one loves anyone as much as i love ryan reynolds:

also, lady gaga:

a black widow spider makes more sound than she

2009-06-26T16:48:00.000+09:30

thanks for helping me set up my blog angel features...

love you to the grave MJ

2009-06-26T10:30:00.000+09:30

love you nanny

2009-06-24T09:11:00.001+09:30

My Grandmother, Patricia, is getting kicked out of her house by the Government so they can build an overpass. NICE ONE. Patricia is a very small, yet surprisingly robust, old lady. I love her dearly so I spent the morning there helping her pack up. This was hilarious for a number of reasons which I shall now document for you in list form:

*My Grandmother has just recently learnt the word "Fuck". She now endeavours to use this word in every sentence that she reasonably can. Example:
"Do you want some fucking lunch dear?"

*Patricia has far too much money. She is also a hoarder. Which basically means she has a house full of expensive and pointless crap, yet she is strangely precious about what she keeps and what she throws away. Example:
Keep: 15 different novelty ice trays with amusing shapes varying from cats to coke bottles.
Throw away: Half empty, dusty bottle of Chanel No. 5 and Burberry scarf with glue on corner.

*Patricia wanted me to box up her collection of jars. An argument ensued:
Jessie: Why do you have all these jars?
Patricia: I like to keep them. I like jars.
Jessie: Can't we just throw them away?
Patricia: No.
Jessie: They're heavy, ugly and useless and you don't have room at your new house for them.
Patricia: Shut the fuck up.
Needless to say, I fucking packed fucking up fucking all the fucking jars.

*Patricia has a burmese cat called Chardonnay whom she loves more than she loves me. Chardonnay is silver, NOT grey. At lunch I had to move Chardy off the deck chair so I could sit down. The devil-feline-whore swiped at my precious face. Later, Patricia threw a box of cat-food at my head.

*Patricia is still driving. She just bought a new car. It is abominably small and light yet somehow she is still not very good at driving/parking/starting it. She is so distressingly erratic behind the wheel that I had to force her to pull over and swap seats with me. She took this to mean 'Grandmother, please sit in the passenger seat, turn up the radio and drown out Leon Byner by complaining loudly about my driving'.

*Patricia really likes toys and buying weird and stupid (read: awesome) things from Asian-full-of-crap shops and those stalls at the Markets. She gave me a little fake fire extinguisher that is actually, get this, a WATER PISTOL. A-mazing.
Artist's impression:

*I suspect Patricia of entertaining fanciful delusions. Taking another load of stuff to her new house I trusted Patricia to drive more sensibly. As we pulled away from the curb I heard her mutter "new house" under her breath. As it turns out Patricia believes her car to have magical-navigation powers and that telling it where we're headed means it practically drives itself there. Safe to say she was not Car-Pilot for long.

*Patricia calls the bonnet of the car the "Boot-Lid". No matter how many times I try to explain to her that this makes very little sense, she continues to erroneously label the bonnet.

*Patricia wanted me to help her clean out the laundry cupboard. I thought that would just be towels and sheets etc so I was all like "Sweet, I'm gonna thieve me some egyptian cotton". The reality of helping her clean out the laundry cupboard was me crouching on the floor while she threw old, cracked bottles of chemicals at my head.

*Patricia has a selective memory. She was reminiscing about one night when she was driving me home and I was cold so she gave me her fur coat. That's nice, isn't it? So then I reminisced about the time she was looking after me and I got hit by a car. Strangely enough she had no memory of this incident whatsoever.

I would have posted a photo of Patricia but she doesn't show up on film so picture this...